for those about to rock;

2007-12-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

I'm done with Blogspot.

Ask me for my new address.

2007-12-27T04:14:00.000+08:00

Ditching was the best decision I've ever made.
I've done a lot of the things I've always wanted to do.
And it liberated me.

Today, jettisoning Ditching is the best decision I've ever made.
I've grown up, in so many ways.
I am close to fully understanding people's actions and their need for imperfection.
There is surely a thin line between making an effort in life and resigning to the fate that dawns upon you.
Also, I've realized the purpose of questioning one another's mistakes without necessarily foregoing 'Live and let die'.

I'm learning everything I ever wanted to.
And there's more to come.

Austere moments are worthy of my faithful attention.
Simple observations should never be left aside.
I am in complete assurance that each and everyone one of us are entitled to our own opinions pertaining to issues that call for debate.
What more, our God-given right.

I'm not so ardent in the goodness of people anymore neither am I any less cynical.
I try to make a difference in the world that I live in.
But there's only so much I can do.
The rest, is up to purpose of another's existence.

I'm happy with the way life is.
Home's far, far away but it's nowhere near being here.

2007-12-25T03:25:00.000+08:00

Mom: I have countlessly told you that I love you but more than often, out of nature and occasionally, hoping to get something in return. You, being my mom, could count with your fingers the number of times when I, out of genuine affection, meant it. I've put you through a lot, over the past 5 years and looking back, I don't really know why I had the courage to hurt you. It's not just a matter of failing Math - We both know that; Every time I committed a wrongdoing, I'd put on this costume of guilt and my heartfelt apology always seemed to get in the way of you seeing right through me. I'd then, gleefully remove the costume and we're back to square 1. You couldn't possibly still have faith in me, you couldn't. You are human after all. Yet, because you're the woman I loved conditionally and unconditionally at the same time, each time I let you down, you selflessly held onto me tight.

It's taken me eons to have gone through enough and finally, made to see what I've done to you all this while. Ever since I returned home, things have excruciatingly, been tough for us both because the cat is out of the bag, that leaves us with no choice but to start from scratch. With no foundation, our relationship has been a struggle to keep and at times, I wonder why I bothered returning. I dare say, it's taken us thorough confrontation, endless arguments and subtle compromising to survive this storm we've been through. Today, I love you, with no conditions up my sleeve. Thank-you mom, for sticking through because I'm your daughter and for all that's been done unto you - I am, truly, sorry.

Filzah: It's true when they say that blood is thicker than water. We've built our relationship out of nothing (seriously, you DO remember how we were back then right?) and it amazes me how it's all turned out. I mean, c'mon, you got to admit: You sure as hell wasn't expecting me to be sharing my feelings and thoughts with you; What more turning to you in times of need? But I'll cut to the chase! You have, been a remarkable sister and I cannot thank you enough. Alright, I'm sorry that for most occasions, I'm always the one with issues and I barely ever asked if you were fine with having everything thrown right at you but I know deep down, you'd do anything for me. For that - I've learned how to appreciate your presence and effort in playing a role in my life. I might not say it often because for most of the time, I'm too caught up with all the teasing but I'm really glad that you're around because you want to.

Syaza: Look, I know I owe you like loads of cash and I promise I'll pay, as soon as I get a job and earn enough money to get myself like the latest shoes/bags. You've done your part for me over the past year and it's not fair that I count on you simply because we're related. I'm sorry Syaza, for not being there for you like I was for Filzah and I'm truly sorry that I haven't given you the same amount of opportunity to open up to me. I've always pushed you away because I rather not deal with your immaturity. But it's high time I understand that you're growing up and I, probably was like that, back then. There's more to the picture than it meets the eye, isn't there?

Hiqmah: You're one of those who keep me rooted to the ground, you know? I've never said it and I guess it's because I was afraid of telling you how I truly felt. Perhaps telling would make me seem weak and that's not what I am. But that's all just idiosyncratic, isn't it? I mean, it's you - I should never worry about telling you how I feel. There's never been a day where I question your being with me because I know that despite all that's happened over the past 2 years, you never stopped loving me. Regrettably, I wish I could make myself worthy of your friendship. I try to and it's never turned out right. I don't know - Maybe I'm not doing something right or it's not enough but I don't want to spend my days figuring out what went wrong, you know? I want to keep trying till I get it right.

Remember how we danced to Radiohead in the park on a lazy afternoon? Remember the deafening silence, apart from the radio and outburst of laughter? That day, it felt like the world stopped for us. Tangled in a reverie, I remember the sound of your voice, crashing against mine as we turned around in circles, savoring the moment. You see, I could never have another with anyone else. If given the chance to turn back time, I'd love to have it done all over again.

Zihui: Thank-you, for being my best friend. It's not everyday that you meet someone who cares enough for herself to do so for others. I've always respected the genuineness in you because you've never once, jeopardized that. Zihui, life has more meaning to it than school, friends, work, etc. Unknowingly, there's magic all around us and if we gather the courage to search for it, we'd explore boundaries that are beyond imagination. I'd like to do that with you. Not today, not tomorrow but when you and I are both ready.

Fascinatingly, you're wondering, "Why me?". You've stuck by me even when you need not stay. That, is one thing no ordinary being can do. You don't see and I don't show it but you are deserving of my time and more significantly, love. Time after time, friends will drift like everyone else. With these cyclone of thoughts, I would prefer to expect the worst and hope for the best. Having said that, our journey together has many surprises in store for us and after finally been able to believe in the possibility of all possibilities, I'm willing to stick by you the way you have for me.

Jannah: I've never stopped adoring you from the first time I met you. You remind me of how colorful life can get. You're never afraid to be flawed and yet, you believe in perfections. Such faith in a contradiction makes you starkly attractive. You shine when the moment's right and you weep on a cloudy day. There is truly something fragile about you that I dare not break. In fact, I know that if I ever do so, I could never apologize enough. I feel oddly ecstatic whenever you're around because it seems like we could do anything we ever wanted to. Truthfully, your very presence makes me want to jump out of my skin and do something extraordinary, the kind of things that would make it all worthwhile.

Thank-you, for being you. You don't realize but that, has played a big part in the things I've said, the mistakes I've made and person I've become. As humans, we are always blabbering about doing anything for the other. But frankly, we are never able to define 'anything' because everything's got its limit. I'd like to try though. One more surprise wouldn't hurt right?

2007-12-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

"I'm black and proud of it!"

When Chief Justice Roger B. Taney made a statement saying that slaves were "so far inferior that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect", Abraham Lincoln stepped in saying, "This question of Slavery was more important than any other; indeed, so much more important has it become that no other national question can even get a hearing just at present."

Hence, if it weren't for the non-slave-holding states proclaiming the debasing doctrine of equality of all men, irrespective of race or color, and that the African race were rightfully held and regarded as an inferior and dependent race back in the 1820s, the world would have been different.

Let's be real. Racism dwells in the hearts of many. In Singapore, several jobs demand qualities that you and I possess but in addition to those, the ability to speak Mandarin is essential. Malaysia without a doubt, grants superiority to the Malays still. In America, the reality show, 'American Princess' is about turning twelve ordinary American women into proper ladies. They are brought into the British royalty - Taught how to dine, socialize, dress and socialize. At the end of the competition, only one will be given a real British title and $50,000 in cash. One of the seasons had an African-American as one of the final 2. She was my personal favorite because compared to the other, who strongly believed in good luck charms (that, too me was just way over the feminine side) and how they'll chase evil spirits away (like there are any for such a competition). Even so, Niqui didn't win. Not that I'm being cynical but really, did we ever think they'd crown an African-American to be an American princess?

Racial Harmony or all 'men are equal' are just desperate means of keeping the unity strong. To be fair, there are those who sincerely uphold such beliefs and to them do I give my respect to. But there will always be a majority who believes that the Chinese are more superior than the Malays, that Asians are pretty darn good at being everywhere and that the African race are nothing but trouble. It makes me incredibly mad when people assume that I'm one of those racist schmucks simply because I dare state the obvious. Making statements that are known to be of universal truth for certain races seems like a sin and when done so, you're thrown into the dungeon of insensitive beings. Honestly, why be terrified of what's true? It's time everyone break away from being in denial and come to terms with reality (if none of it were true, do you really think there'd be such movies as Crash?). The frailty of how truly the world is, regardless of race or religion, makes people like you and I stay on guard doesn't it?

After all Abraham Lincoln and James Brown have done for us, don't you think we ought to return them the favour?

2007-12-21T15:48:00.000+08:00

Irfan has Nursery orientation tomorrow. It's amazing how much he's grown over the past 3 years and in retrospect, life would've been different without him. So I'd gladly like to dedicate this to my little brother.

2007-12-19T21:36:00.000+08:00

The contemporary reek of lust while the ancient succeedingly, last.

Jamie Lynn Spears is expecting, did you know that? Just what we need - Someone to take on Britney's role.

-

As of since, I have been pondering over the same old question:

What if I had died?

No more than it seems like a dream, whatever that took place yesterday, took place. I dare not deny that I was horrified. My life, at that point of time, seemed to be lingering at the tip of my fingers - Imagine how helpless I felt, unable to reach out for what's mine. What has been mine was racing against time and admittedly, luck. While somersaulting in the air, my brain froze. I was incapable of finding a way to battle the situation and by all means, overcoming it. As my head hit the ice, followed by the rest of my body, I felt this certainity of death being nigh.

The thoughts that were running through my mind were insane. I was deeply overwhelmed with anguish: Thinking that this was how my life was going to end - Sledged my way to death. How tragic. Having being weighed on a balance with Death on the other hand, I used every strength I could find within me and prayed to an authority far greater than doctors (While we're at it - Imagine if a doctor walked through air and appeared out of nowhere. Tsk. Sure is Finding Neverland eh Iylia?) With a being a like me, I wouldn't come save my desperate soul if I played God. But I wasn't that day. When I discovered that I could very least respond to the people around me, I knew I was given another shot.

When drilled with the certainity of death, the world in front of me seemed like a vacuum and I cannot describe to you how empty life suddenly felt. I've suffered terrible blood clots in my body and truthfully, it really hurts. But it was tremendously a more better catch than what could've been on my plate.

2007-12-16T04:27:00.000+08:00

I am so unbelievably mad that I'm Wikipedia-ing.

-Origin of Language
-Tower of Babel
-Richard Branson
-Cellar Door
-Tasmanian Aboriginals

They don't know the first thing about me.

2007-12-11T05:03:00.000+08:00

A good movie is one that leaves an impact on it's viewer, throwing him into mild contemplation whereas an excellent movie is one that's capable of stirring deep emotions from within, further producing them into actions that seem surreal but are a figment of one's imagination.

Rightfully, The Kingdom is about the United States of America joining hands with Saudi Arabia in a fight against terrorism. Hitting it off with a (cliche`) scene of Americans enjoying themselves in a game of baseball (in a secure American compound in Saudi Arabia), out come a group of terrorists who breach the compound and begin shooting innocent lives. Having succeeded in their mission, a team of FBI agents go to Saudi Arabia and conduct an investigation on the attack. Once in Saudi Arabia they find themselves encountering obstacles eg. The governmental bureaucracy and cultural differences that get in the way of their investigation. The Saudi troops know that the FBI agents are targets of the terrorists and they don't want another disaster on their hands. Slowly, the American agents become friends with a Saudi police officer and work together to bring the terrorists to justice.

It's stupendously funny how the movie was created such that the Americans were painfully helpless victims who want nothing but world peace because, the night before, I watched Rescue Dawn. Having witnessed the Americans kill innocent women and children in the name of God-knows-what, I wonder, really, just where do they draw the line between bloodshed and terrorism.

If you know what clearly happened in the Second Indochina War, you'd know that it was nowhere near being a war but a country carrying out mass killings on the people of Vietnam. The amount of TNT used in the war was equivalent to that of World War II. Americans were funding the weapons through their taxes and more definitely, they were not informed of it. So you came fully prepared, invaded Vietnam and continued the war longer than what you made the world believed (1965 to 30 April 1975). Tell me then, who was terrorising who?

Moving on to the Iran VS Iraq war, tell me, how much were we exposed to it? Did the media touch on how the U.S was majorly provinding for Iraq from weapons to Satellite Intelligence? The U.S government spied on the Iranian army via satellite as to where they were located and later tipped it off to Iraq. Yet, they weren't capable of outwitting Iran.

When Israel invaded Lebanon, they sent troops killing at an aproximate number of 25,000 lives, leaving about 83,500 people homeless. Looting was omnipresent. Now, did such massacre ever appeared on the news? No. Although it wasn't a war that didn't involve the U.S - Needless to say, they were pulling the strings. Let's face it: If behind every succesful man, there is a woman then behind Israel, there was always the United States of America. The latter has always given their full support be it politically or financially to Israel because they know so that Israel was never a fan of Iran (Truly because they defended Islam and rose up against the Shah of Iran) - More importantly, Islam. Subsequently, driven by such hatred, they walk hand in hand, working together into enslaving the Islamic World.

It's gone on for centuries - Framing Islam, so as to wipe it off this Earth. The U.S is highly concerned about what goes on in the Islamic World; Do you think they've ever stopped to worry about their own? Look at themselves! You just have to be 21 (With a licence, of course) to own a gun. So let me get this straight - Once I turn 21, I'm allowed to go around shooting whoever/wherever/whenever? I wonder - Has it ever occured to them the kind of message they're actually putting across the nation, let alone, the world?

I doubt it.

Nonetheless, I ought to give them credit. Intelligent Americans, they are. If you ask any government official in the United States, they are bound to have ample knowledge of the many divided sects in Islam. I darenot say they'd know all 77 (?) of them but probably the main ones. With that being said, could it just be me or is the world, once again, heavily influenced by the U.S, generalising Islam as a whole? Why does everyone go through so much trouble as to distinguish between Catholics and Protestants, the Brahmins and Shudras or the Theravada and Tibetan Buddhism but when it comes to Sunni and Shia', they're all the same - That being, Islam? Make me understand please, the logic of doing so? Talk about democracy. What democracy do you speak of when labelling the Islamic World as lunatic due to A TERRORIST ATTACK THAT WAS BY THE WAY, COAXED BY THE U.S GOVERNMENT?

Hence, while all these are going on, what roles do you 'Islamic' countries play? Are you too occupied with being the No. 1 oil producer (Once again, bowing to the U.S Government) to stand up for your religion? Or are you still caught up with fighting among each other (sects) to unite and defend Islam?

Whilst the U.S pumps hatred and disgust into the world towards Islam, what is your stand on such an issue? Are you a pageant, firmly promoting world peace? Are you an American citizen, believing in the truth, instead of being brainwashed by the very people who promote terrorism themselves, in their own country? Are you a Taoist, believing in God's Glory? Or are you a Muslim, fighting for Islam?

Such an outrage within me was caused by The Kingdom. At one point during the movie, I was overwhelmed with anger that I imagined myself smashing the television screen with a mere piece of plate. Having said that, The Kingdom was outstanding.

2007-12-09T05:40:00.000+08:00

Since Oslo:-

1) I have not seen a single metalhead in town
2) Everything around me have been in courtesy of both the Iranian and Norwegian culture
3) I've drank a shockingly amount of tea
4) I have come across TONS of vinyl records - Morbid Angel, Slayer, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, KISS (The people here seem to worship them over here)
5) At a quick rate, I've learned how to communicate in Persian and Norwegian (You ought to pick up Norwegian vulgarities; Trust me)
6) We are awake by 9am and asleep by 10pm. Yes, I know - We're working on it
7) Mandarin oranges are never safe when I'm around
8) The urge to drive is just drilling its way through my soul
9) Breakfast and lunch are the only meals we have
10) I cannot help but wonder how a friendship of almost 20 years can still remain, strong

While reading Ward No.6, I came across an exchange of words that was enticely captivating:

'Let's suppose peace and contentment are not outside a man, but within him,' he said. 'Let's suppose we should despise suffering and marvel at nothing. But what ground do you have for preaching this? Are you a sage? A philosopher?'

'No, I'm not a philosopher, but everyone should preach this creed because it's rational.'

'But I'd like to know why you consider yourself competent to pass judgement on the meaning of life, on contempt for suffering and the rest of it? Have you suffered? Do you have any conception of suffering?'

2007-12-02T16:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I decided to put my creativity - enormously driven by boredom, to a test. Mixing several packets of chili sauce from KFC and Burger King, I added a fair amount of cheddar and crushed pepper. I must say, it was outstandingly delicious (Truly, I'm not lying! Everyone loved it)!

Putting that aside..

This is why I enjoy the rooftop:

-
Zy - you'll never be me, homo says:
ok she sells seashells by the seashore, not on the seashore because seashells are found on the seashore

Zy - you'll never be me, homo says:
if you're on the seashore and you can find your own seashells, why the fuck would you need to buy seashells from her if she's also on the seashore?

Zy - you'll never be me, homo says:
so logically she's by the seashore. where seashells can't be found

Iylia. Denmark! says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! YES YES! HIGHLY INTELLIGENT OMNIVOROUS YOU

Iylia. Denmark! says:
can she sell seashells over the seashore?

Zy - you'll never be me, homo says:
why over

Zy - you'll never be me, homo says:
under ah

Return later, I must.

[Edit: 11.26pm]

I've countered the disability to function with an open mind. Our souls are only thoroughly cleansed when flawed, leaving enough space for redemption.

Momentarily, Alicia Keys's 'No One' has a colourful influence on how my heart speaks - Oh the serene tranquility.

Have you ever? Not know what to say but am strongly driven by something as lucid as a song to share with no one in particular (really), the joy to, share? Drop whatever that's been bogging you down my dear fidus Achates because I'd like for you to close your eyes, embrace the cool air that comes knocking on your window. Feel the silence that's eager to break away from all the noise. Love thy self for the broken being that you've been and hate thy self for being infallible. Believe in me as I've believed in you.

As one gazes at the magical water with its mysterious gleam, at the fathomless sky and those sad, brooding river banks that spoke of the vanity of our lives, of the existence of something loftier, of a world of everlasting bliss, one would be happy enough to swoon, to die, to become but a memory.

In less than 24 hours, I'll make a memory with you, Denmark.

2007-11-30T02:00:00.000+08:00

Drenched in despair, I've finally established the idea of evolution. Keep moving forward without having to look back; Why? Could it be that all we ever needed was to remain still? Push. Pull. There's always more pushing that the latter isn't there? Personally, at times, I wish no one had the ability to hold onto the reins - Further preventing the rate of motion being steered in relativity.

I've always wondered what if Music ran out of music? Picture having Paul Simon gather around with Lenny Kravitz or the legendary, Eric Clapton and suddenly, everything runs dry. Their souls speak of no language and their minds, stationary. Every riff that comes to mind has been created while every tune seems monotonous. Imagine then, the significance of such a revelation? A catastrophe, scorchingly enveloped by remorse, spurs an outbreak that will long affect the lives of many - ever so undeniably yours and mine too.

Regardless of Blues, Psychedelic, Afro-punk, Heavy Metal, Classic Rock, Newgrass or Acid punk, the thought of that would bring me to tears. As quoted by a dear friend, "Change is the only thing that's constant". But what if there was none left in Music to pervade? What if it reaches its transcending course and comes to a complete, halt? What if Ray Charles, Neil Sadaka, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Izzy Stradlin, Mary J. Blige, Damn Yankees, Paul Anka or Janis Joplin are remembered for the singles that were once a hit and for albums that became a platinum or what if 'Solder of Fortune', 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room', 'One last Chance', '14 Years' or 'My, My, Hey, Hey (On with the Blues)' loses its impact on the people who've grown accustomed to beating in unity to the rhythm of such songs. It's already to much amazement that the legacy of The Beatles continues to live on in the hearts of many but could we say the same for Muddy Waters, Phil Collins or Pink Floyd?

If everything has its capacity, why is Music given the exception? There is so much to hope and so little to expect but the truth is, none of it matters because the powerful unknown force that determines the growth and the well-being of Music belittles our helpless plight. Such a thing calls for democracy, true? I daresay, keeping that in mind, harsh reality rushes in and the reality is: We're in no place to ensure the ongoing heartbeat of Music. Truly, that stance stands. So if Paul Simon, Lenny Kravitz and Eric Clapton lose their grip one day, I think we all ought to worry.

2007-11-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

As of the 30th, uncle Joe's handing the keys over to his company. With that being said, the time spent at the penthouse was sadly, my last. Nonetheless, the past week was good.

I've never liked:-

1) How stuffy it gets, the minute my dad turns off the car engine to fill up the tank
2) Improper English. Like, seriously
3) Orange juice for breakfast
4) The Office
5) How my parents don't quite appreciate nights the way I do
6) Being judged for who you're expected to be and not who you want to be
7) Girls who put on this act of extreme shyness when they're nowhere like that
8) Mushrooms, prawns and seaweed
9) Vanilla Coke
10) The pretension between family members or friends within the same social circle that everything's great.

-

Karina: I hope all's well for you. See you soon, Vennard.
Trish: Ahh, my tagboard floodist :P 1) Whatever happened to your slug experiment? 2) Eh not my fault balls! YOU made me laugh! tsktsk! Btw, we didn't write a song! Heh and yes, one more to come! ;)
Sharla: Thank-you! It's always been my pleasure to write. Keep reading! (:
Jolyn: Iylia is funny worx. What do do? Heh heh heh.
Bunny: Lol you wouldn't want to go there mang! Haha I've yet to update my playlist. How're you btw?
Bianca: I get high on you ;)

By the way, where's Chia Kok Leng?

2007-11-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

"Michael Rutzen is on a quest to hypnotize, in open water, a Great White Shark. Mike believes if he can put sharks into a sleep-like state called tonic immobility, he will reveal a completely different side of their nature. With this, he hopes people will be inspired to protect, rather than destroy, these predators."

Spectacular, isn't it?

2007-11-16T04:03:00.000+08:00

❥ Youre a piece of good old fashion says:
i destroyed a slug know!

❥ Youre a piece of good old fashion says:
i poured salt on it and curry sauce and trapped it in a the curry sauge container!

But I could never imagine humour without this:

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."

2007-11-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

While I grieve over the loss of my sole downloading medium, will someone send me Tranquilizer by The Killers? Your kindness is much appreciated.

Now that my computer's been raised from the dead, that signals the return of late night solitary, hand in hand, with a tinge of good ol' company. No you awfully-narrow-minded-schmuck, I'm not another one of those tortured souls you see wandering around Orchard; The idea of having all the time in the world, to yourself when everybody else is fast asleep has always been an intriguer for me.

I'm staring at The Beatles's Abbey Road and life seems to be alot more colourful back then - Portraying real emotions without the slightest worry of disappointing the world and upholding the human right to believe in believing. So much has changed since the 60's; So little have we attained. Yet, we wake up everyday with hope that today wouldn't be anything like yesterday.

In my opinion, the ideal problem with the society nowadays is that, they lack the interest in wanting to salvage the world, the human race. They are, sadly, more determined to save themselves from getting into trouble with the government or to resist the temptation of getting the latest fad from the New Year's catalogue. When days revolve around situations like these, the world, harshly, loses its significance, causing the purpose of the human race to slowly fade away.

2007-11-11T10:29:00.000+08:00

Thou hath come to stay
Alot more longer than a day
Pack up and leave, will you?
There's not much space left between us two

A hard time is not what we intend to give
Oh Ra don't you see, you make us all miff
Don't make me come begging - Save me some pride
'Cos if I do, oh my face - There's nowhere to hide

If you had proven me wrong yesterday
I'd ask you to stay
But nay, there's only so much you'd do
Now it's too late to go back, it's true

You need to learn the gift of friendship
It doesn't come as easily as you think
You'd understand if you read in between my lips
Maybe this just isn't your thing

So Ra, cut yourself some slack
You're the pain in between my buttcrack
What misery that's left - Spare us please
Pack up bag and leave

-

With a mind so complex like that, I'm left speechless. To know fully well of who you are is something he's attained and for that, he's blown me away.

Iylia. Kozmic Blues says:
why are we so dependant on music, jolyn?

Iylia. Kozmic Blues says:
why do we look for hope or life for that matter, in music?

Iylia. Kozmic Blues says:
why do we drown our sorrows and pain in them as well

Iylia. Kozmic Blues says:
why can't we make do without music?

Jolyn Eats World (rock your heart out) says:
because it's the only thing that's not screwed up

The world's got some pretty beautiful minds, really.

2007-11-09T21:03:00.000+08:00

Bits and pieces of Paul Mccartney's Here Today

And if I said
I really knew you well what would your answer be?
If you were here today

Well knowing you,
You'd probably laugh and say that we were world's apart

What about the time we met?
Well, I suppose that you could say that we were playing hard to get
We didn't understand a thing, but we could always sing

What about the night we cried
Beacuse there wasn't any reason left to keep it all inside?

And if I said
I really loved you and was glad you came along
And you were here today

Ooh, ooh, ooh, for you were in my song

-

Kudos to our monthly getaways. I'm certain we all needed it this time. It's high time we get a new place eg. Horizon Hills - Isn't that right uncle Joe?

I want to be able to write like John Lennon sing like Janis Joplin.

2007-11-05T10:05:00.000+08:00

I've come to love John deeply not for the star that he is - but the genuine person that he was. We're all definitely capable of relating to one another but there are so few of us who can do the same, without the slightest act of questioning. That is the case for John and me. All those - nights spent drinking with Harry Nilsson, times consuming pills, moments before going onstage, outrageous incidents of confronting the wealthy and those with authority, debates between Larry Kane and him on the Vietnam war and how the world should give peace a chance represented a big part of John which I fully accept without needing to understand. When my dad saw me reading 'Lennon Revealed', he couldn't help but pass a remark that many cynics would: "Why are you reading that? He was a corrupted man."

I don't deny that Lennon had his days of unpleasant behavior and for most of the time, he was the cradle of trouble. Despite that, John was someone of incredible passion and utmost sincerity. With that in hand, who could possibly brush aside the big-hearted person that he was and have him in remembrance for his 'bad boy' reputation? As what Kane has written, "Whatever the physical and sexual ramifications, one thing was certain: The sometimes gentle soul with the wicked inner conscience, had one dangerous talent: Just being there, just showing himself and launching his breathless passion on stage, he could, inadvertently, on a moment's notice, start a riot - in a concert hall, and inside the body of a fan. "

Truthfully, it breaks my heart that one day, I'm going to be done reading 'Lennon Revealed'. It's not everyday when you come across an individual who declared The Beatles being more popular than Jesus and it's definitely not often when you're able to see through someone without having been influenced by people around you. The world has its means of excluding facts and encompassing it with lies and deceit. Perhaps it is so, that the life of Lennon's was seemingly disastrous and pleasantly filled with ongoing bitterness. But if there was one man I'd take my hats off to, for shattering the mere convinction of 'one voice can't change the world', it'd be John Lennon himself.

"It's pretty hard when you are Caesar and everybody is saying how wonderful you are and they are giving you all the goodies and the girls; it's pretty hard to break out of that and say, 'Well, I don't want to be king, I want to be real.'" - John Lennon

Putting that aside, the weekend was refreshingly good. Ali came over on Friday night which resulted in a sleepover. On Saturday, we spent the afternoon watching various old videos that went back as early 1992. Frankly, I don't remember being awfully talkative and annoying. There was a video of my first day in school and to my amazement, I was capable of naming each and every single one of my classmates back then. Those were the days when I was a joy to have huh?

The following day, my mom took the kids to Wild Wild Wet while Filzah and I settled for the Escape Theme Park. Major disappointment I tell you, major disappointment. The Viking wasn't working and so was the Cannon Roller-coaster. What's left were meant for kids. In the end, we took the Inverter, a mild roller-coaster ride and entered a Haunted House (WHICH, by the way, is pretty good - considering Singapore's standards can be utterly bad sometimes).

Ali's presence over the weekend electrified an emotion I've long forgotten - The sense of loss of the only uncle I had. When I look at Ali nowadays, all I see, is the man I once called father. Memories, which play a significant role in my non-existent relationship with my uncle, come back to life and at times, I wish Ali could do the same. And because we're all that Ali's father left him, I'd like to be there for him forever, and always. Yesterday, he said something that almost brought me to tears: "My mom once told me that cousins are like siblings. You're my sister and I'm your brother."

2007-11-02T13:57:00.000+08:00

With brutal souls like them, it's rather impossible to not get into the Halloween spirit.

Aside from the fact that I met Manson,

the time spent at Karina's was nice. Well, except from the time when Ziyang made me call him a list of things that could send the mountains asundering.

2007-10-31T13:52:00.000+08:00

Prabs Devilchild - Bombs Away! says:
some of my friends damn lucky ah, they met iommi and dio at far east

Prabs Devilchild - Bombs Away! says:
they were just walking around

Prabs Devilchild - Bombs Away! says:
then bumped into them

-

Just the Paul that I am. HAHAHAH. says:
FUCKKK

Just the Paul that I am. HAHAHAH. says:
IOMMI

Just the Paul that I am. HAHAHAH. says:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Just the Paul that I am. HAHAHAH. says:
THERE IS NO GOD

And so I've heard. Oh, the pain {dramatically places both hands on my heart}. But it does piercingly hurt, knowing that I've completely missed out on any chance to come face-to-face with one of the few people I grew up listening to. Forgive me Tony, Ronnie - For I've failed you.

To all you schmucks: Happy Halloween!

2007-10-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

Larry Kane: John, people loved you in Philadelphia tonight.

John Lennon: What's the fuss, Larry. I'm only an ordinary person doing fucking extraordinary things. Get the picture, Larry?

I'm not cut out for the 60's. If I was so, I'd be too overwhelmed by the influence of people like Lennon. Yet, I wish Lennon continues to live in the same world I'm in.

Putting that aside, I think I'm tired; Tired of going through phases without being having anyone understand me. With all honesty, I'm disappointed at the fact that no one can knowingly grasp what my heart yearns to share. Those closest to me can only come so far to discover that they're nowhere near me. Why? Am I missing something here?

The weekend's about to come to an end. To think that maybe (just maybe), in the slightest chance, there could be hope. I could use a little, "Patience is a virtue" right now but hell, that's just what they make us belief, isn't it?

2007-10-26T11:42:00.000+08:00

I remember that summer being the last. And what Bryan Adams said is true - When I look back now, that summer seemed to last forever.

In this world, there're only so few of us who're brave enough to go through life's ongoing journey. Sometimes, I wonder just where do they derive their courage from. Like you and I, life to them was once a bed of roses but as time takes place, what was of much comfort becomes laboriously painful. They realise that life is masterly capable of disappointment and nature doesn't seem to take its course anymore. Suddenly, the world is a cold and dark place.

So questions start to arise and more knowingly, is the cause of deep regret of having had so much faith in this world. As the crop of questions continues to call out for its answers, they revel in sorrow, and there's only so little they can find joy in.

But Time - A remedy so powerful that even the ones who are of illiteracy understand its capacity - continues to do what it does best; to evolve and envelope what was in the past to produce the present and hopefully, fertilise the future.

Hence, while doing so, they recover - From heartache, blunder and life's cruelty. They fully comprehend that life, like the human race, isn't perfect. No, anger and bitterness no longer dwell in their gratified souls. What was once their main source of supple now becomes discardable. Life goes back to being a bed of roses for them - but only to an extent their mind and soul are now capable of accepting. And perhaps it is there, where they get their courage from.

2007-10-25T10:29:00.000+08:00

Iylia: Skid Row or Guns N' Roses?

Sharmila: Guns N' Roses!

Iylia: Aerosmith or The Beatles?

Sharmila: Aerosmith?

Iylia: (Gasps)

If Elvis Presley heard that, he'd rise from the dead, wake Hendrix, Rhoads and Cobain up - Together, they'd hunt Sharmila down. R.I.P, Sharmila.

Lately, I've a habit of going to Clarke Quay to simply enjoy the serenity. With a stick in hand, lying down and looking at all those tall buildings above, grants me the ability to appreciate things that're in perspective. Every detail comes to attention, accompanied by the touch of the wind against my face and alongside the sound of tiny waves coming into action. Sometimes, I wish Singapore would drop their city love for a moment like this.

And if you do tear, welcome to the club.

2007-10-23T09:27:00.000+08:00

All along, I thought that we were gonna head to Timbre for some good music but when all four of us were in the cab, Hiqmah and Zihui spilt the beans. Handing out tickets to Jannah and I, they announced that we were going for the Black Eyed Peas. You should've been there to see what happened next. I screamed - so much so that if I screamed any louder, the cab could have swerved.

Our seats weren't near the stage but for 152 bucks, boy were they good. At 8pm, Click 5 came on for their opening act. Honestly, I've never had any liking for the band but last night, they took me by surprise. Out of the 6 songs that they played, 2 were good but the song that blew me away had to be Addicted To Me. Ben Romans started the song off with this really funky tune, right up till when Kyle Patrick came in and when he did, I just went "Wow". To think that they could come up with something like that! It's fascinatingly inspired by the 80's and yes, I rest my case. Old School till the very end.

At 9pm, Black Eyed Peas waltz onto the stage and that was it - it was goodbye to sitting down. With songs like My Hump, Don't Phunk With My Heart, and Don't Lie, you can only imagine how insane the crowd was.

There wasn't a single person that was sitting down, moving their heads from side to side. Picture a group of hippies who're all doped up and they're listening to Bob Marley - well, THIS is better!

So 3 hours of dancing resulted in the loss of voices, aching feet and enlightened souls. The girls wanted to get autographs but looking at the line, we sure had better things to do. We settled for a spot and sat down, talking. Then, Zihui took out 4 little muffins and placed them in the middle. With candles number 1 and 7 in between all 4 muffins, it was adorable. Sometimes, I can't help but realise how fortunate I am to have such best friends.

Royston came to our rescue a little while later. And don't ask me about the ride home. Ask Jannah.

We spend our lives searching for friends who'd remain true to us no matter what. Some are still looking while others have found what they're looking for. I, for one, have hit jackpot.

You know who you are, I owe last night to you guys.

2007-10-21T10:56:00.000+08:00

She says we've got to hold on to what we've got
it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

In "The Alchemist", Coelho touches on the reality of dreams, the power of one's desire to realise his dreams and how it all comes down to love, an energy so pervasive that it transcends all forces known to the human race.

That made me see how dreams are omnipresent - in the eyes of a blind man, the touch of an epileptic child, the libretto of one's composer or the words of one's mentor.

However, most of us chose to deny these dreams because we are just terrified to disappoint the little world that we live in. We spent all our lives in luxury of what's been built for us that in order to achieve something we yearn for, we would have to put all of it at risk.

I was reading the Time Magazine and came across this article by Joel Stein:

" But now we're definitely friends, having taken a publuc vow of friendship on friend-based websites, wearing metaphorical friendship bracelets on the earnest Facenook, the punky Myspace, the careerist LinkedIn and the suddenly very asian Friendster. As if that weren't enough friendship for you, some of you have also asked me to be friends on the nerdy Twitter, the dorky-elitist Doostang and the Eurotrashy Hi5. You message me and comment about me and write on my walls and dedicate songs to me and invite me to join groups. More than once you have taken it upon yourself to poke me.

This is hard to say to a friend, but our relationship is starting to take up too much of my time. It's weird that I know more about you than I do about actual friends I hang out with in person - whom I propose we distinguish by calling "non-metafriends.: In fact, I know more about you than I know about myself. I have no idea what my favorite movie or song or TV show it. Last I checked, they all involved Muppets.

Also, you're a bit aggressive in our friendship. Would a non-metafriend call me up and say, "Hey! Guess what? I have a bunch of new pictures of me"? Or tell me he'd colored in a map of all the places he'd ever been? Or inform me, as Michael Hirschorn did in his Facebook status update, that he "is not making decisions; he's making surprises"? It's as if I suddenly met a new group of people who were all in the special classes.

Until we can build some kind of social network where we can present our true, flawed selves - perhaps some genius can invent something that takes place in a house over dinner with wine - I say we strip down our online communities to just the important parts. With enough venture funding - I hope to launch TrueSocialStatus.com, on which users are allowed to submit only their name, their occupation, a photo, the square footage of their home and a list of any celebrities they happen to know. Then other people can vote, on a scale of 1 to 100, on how awesome they are. At the end of the year, the ones with the most points are made homecoming king and queen, which, if I remember correctly, should immediately send their scores plummeting. If nothing else, it should finally rid us of Tila Tequila. "

2007-10-19T10:21:00.000+08:00

This is why The Beatles will always be, a legend.

And this is why Old School will always be, a phenomenon.

2007-10-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

There are a couple of television programmes that are of common interest of my family. From Everybody Loves Raymond to Gilmore Girls to even, America's Got Talent. My personal favourite has to be Grey's Anatomy.

So on nights like these, it can never go by without a chaos.

While my mom tries to cope with my brother's never-ending mischief, my dad sits there, oblivious to what goes on. This immobile man refuses to participate in any social contact unless my brother manages to scream at the top of his voice or loses his tantrum. When he finally does, all you get is more screaming in between negotiating. At the same time, there's my younger sister, who constantly comes up with questions that could kill you. Her questions are completely ridiculous that it's just so astonishing.

So, that leaves Filzah and I. Unlike the rest, we do have a mutual understanding whereby we just want to watch television. Nothing more, nothing less. Occasionally though, she joins the pack and leaves me to dwell in this utter annoyance. I've had the urge to snap and tell the whole lot of them to just in the name of God's grace, shut up because what's the point of watching television together, if none has the courtesy to think of the others.

But, I just never did.

My family is like all other families on certain levels but when it comes to watching television, man are we dysfunctional.

2007-10-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

To those who in any given way, played a role on the 10th of October, thank-you for being so wonderful.

Oh and by the way, I must say, there were a handful who definitely caught me by surprise.

I've always felt that "Eid Mubarak" seems a heap more genuine than "Selamat Hari Raya". Perhaps it's the extremity of completely two different languages or due to the fact that I've always had a poor impression on my own community, it allows me to think that the phrase, "Selamat Hari Raya" really does refer to a long awaited celebration (which in my opinion, is overindulged by people because by truth, we ought to be sad that the Holy Month's come to an end). Gah, the infidelity.

On a lighter note, I am dying to get Duran Duran's Red Carpet Massacre. A collaboration with Timerbalake and Timberland (it couldn't get any better!), this is one of the tracks from the latest album:

So I'm hoping God or Santa has access to the Internet and then one of them would come across this entry and get the album for me.

Ps: Um while you're at it, I'd like a bicycle and an Ipod. Oh and a new Crumpler bag too.

17 does seem like an awfully big number, doesn't it?

2007-10-10T11:19:00.000+08:00

To me, this picture is one of those that sums up the whole meaning of pulchritude. And it's not because I, as always, look ordinarily retarded or because Ziyang isn't at all, smiling. But I think it's because there's me; And there's him.

Like how a sailor would eagerly tell his family of stories only known to those who live half their lives on the sea, sometimes I wish I could talk to the world about Ziyang. I've tried and the furthest I could say is, "If there were a hundred sentence I need to say to him, I merely have to say one and he'll complete the other ninety-nine" and yet, I know that's more to that.

I've contemplated this before and without a doubt, will continue to do so. How much we let others into our ourselves plays an important role in determining the kind of being we are. While there are those who remain dependent due to factors that could range from insecurities to fear, there are also those who choose to be independent yet willingly/unwillingly, dependent. The antagonism within them can 1) prove that they're afterall, strong individuals 2) enable them to associate themselves with those whom we describe are "a couple of steps ahead of us" or 3) portray the empty lives they lead. Yet seemingly, there are those who are independent without the slightest clue of dependancy.

While we spend a lifetime (for some, maybe sooner) figuring as to which category we belong to, some of us take risks and leave the rest to the surroundings. I've come to understand the idea of dependancy and more definitely, grown out of being defenseless. So that leaves me with being independent yet willingly/unwillingly dependent. But here's the thing: There isn't a tinge of resistance within me. I choose to be independent on most levels but leave it to pure human nature to depend on little things around me. I suppose that's why they say the little things in life make it all worth living.

Something that's been stuck in my head.

2007-10-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

Hello to you, and you, and you, and you and YOU!

Okay, so maybe the fact that today was exceptionally good is the reason for my jubilancy but hey, don't we all love Sundays?

Today got me thinking - How often to we admit to being flawed? Or how conscious are we of our actions, our thoughts, our being?

And as promised.

Ps: No, I don't think we need to take our clothes off to have a good time.

2007-10-05T17:03:00.000+08:00

Sue me for being girly but I'm officially, in love with him.

Now I've just gotta figure out how to tell him...

2007-10-03T15:54:00.000+08:00

fahmi says:
hows life on the island?

Iylia. says:
pretty darn good; bright and sunny as ever. how's school coming along?

fahmi says:
school is gettin toughie; hows bumming?

Iylia. says:
heh why don't you quit school then? ah bumming around couldn't get any better. i swear, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me

fahmi says:
i quit so i can take my favourite cousin around the world to party! hahah..but aren't u bored?

Iylia. says:
lol nah, i keep myself occupied; do stuff, so it's all good. it may seem that way at the beginning but if you waste your time wisely, it's pretty okay.

fahmi says:
"waste your time wisely"

fahmi says:
BHAHAHAHA

fahmi says:
BEST LINE EVER

2007-10-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

"I have a naked man in my hairy bush. "What the fuck?" said Jesus to Ziyang and then they continued to satisfy each other. They used dildos with goat faces to have fun. Jesus then ate some cabbage soup and fed Iylia, who happily drank cum and soup. She said "Yuck!" and killed herself. Mervyn is awesome. Ziyang killed Mervyn. Ziyang is necrophiliac. Iylia then returns. She then died happily once again. Smelly goat faeces and Iylia's hair were thrown at Jesus's hairy ass.

Jesus was turned around on his side and he blessed Ziyang with piss and shit. Ziyang smiled ecstatically. "Fuck you Mervyn", groaned horny Ziyang after he raped humself unknowingly. Mervyn was brutally incinerated together with Jesus...NOT. Jesus laughed at Mervyn's demise."

Ha! Dildos with goat faces. How hilarious.

Nonetheless,

Notice how the song naturally gets everyone up on their feet and have nothing but a fantabulous time.

2007-09-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

The latest M1 flick is by far, the first local advertisement that's gotten me laughing my butt off. I mean really - How in the name of 'I-have-always-believed-that-Singaporeans-are-completely-without-humor' did they come up with something like that? Given that, my sister and I spent the morning watching it over and over again :D

Paul Coelho's The Zahir is entirely inspiring. Unlike many authors, he's a staunch believer in precision and forthrightness. More importantly, The Zahir is an insight to how humans are more than often, utterly wrong about life. Misunderstandings lead to misinterpretations, which lead to misjudgement and thus, further becomes the cause of misconceptions. I've asked myself the same question countless times; Do we truly know our point of existence or are we just blindly led to believe that the whole purpose for being here is for the human race?

It's amusing how we're ensalved to perception, the appeareace of perception or the appearance of the appearance of perception without realising it. How we succumb to such slavery is worth questioning but I suppose rectifying it wouldn't be of much use. Simply because, without perception or the appeareace or the appearace of the appearace of it, we'd never come to appreciate the essence of pure discovery. Having said that, there's nowhere to turn to, isn't there?

The truth is, we're too afraid to upset the world we've grown used to. So who do we blame? God? The government? Or plainly ourselves? After all, who else do we owe our existence to right? Many of us would turn to God as the ideal answer and believe me, I hold no doubt as to how much we do owe Him. But if lives were made solely to return His favour, then He would have never given us the capability to think and question our very own surroundings.

I've heard people claim that humans only find life meaningful when they're at war. At war, one is constantly at peace with the nearing invitation of Death but never at peace with one's self. I suppose the primary reason for such discomfort is the result of not appreaciating life as it is when given the upperhand. I wouldn't call it a common mistake ('Common' is commonly used for the majority or something that is of frequent occurrence while 'mistake' refers to an error in action, opinion, judegement, etc) but rather much, a trait we all have. Like DNAs, having things taken for granted is one of the few universal traits that represent us humans as a whole. So humans don't exactly find life meaningful when they're at war; the ones that forgot to live find life meaningful when they're at war; humans only find life meaningful to their utmost capacity, without giving up any of those universal traits.

2007-09-27T13:14:00.000+08:00

Watch out for the 1:00/1:57. It gave me major goosebumps and it sure as hell will do the same for you.

2007-09-26T16:19:00.000+08:00

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on our path
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your heart does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
that the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfurmes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riche.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have beceom, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithaca means.

2007-09-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
i hate to be a slut but i need a story!

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
anything realistic to film, something sad, deep.

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
im shooting tomorrow at 10am and i dont have a story! the pace and workload is tremendously appaling!

Iylia. says:
oooohhhh okay how about your best friend - the one guy you're in love with for the longest time has no idea how you feel about him. and uh.. somewhere down the road, he got diagnosed with cancer and he's been going for treatment in secrecy, not knowing how to break it to you

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
ALAMAK DARLING

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
REALISTIC TO FILM.

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
im sorry im so bitchy okay

Iylia. says:
REALISTIC WHAT!

Iylia. says:
why? too bollywood?

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
diagnosed with cancer = hosp scenes
Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
stress stress

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
please forgive me

Iylia. says:
LOL no it's okay! don't worry about it! i'm sorry i'm not of much help!

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
its ok its ok

Artistrik . Investigation of A Citizen Above Suspicion says:
im just frustrated at my 'massive' inteligence

Iylia. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! nice one my dear friend, nice one.

-

Up 2 ranks on the iLike Challenge.

Addiction.

2007-09-18T11:41:00.000+08:00

I was looking through some old photos and came across this.

My dad looked pretty good back then eh?

2007-09-14T16:28:00.000+08:00

You Are 72% Non Conformist

You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands.
And while some may call you a freak, you're happy with who you are.

Are You a Nonconformist?

Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)

Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2007-09-13T11:11:00.000+08:00

Do me a favour.
Search for Metallica's Orion and lend them your ears when the song hits 4:00/8:23.

An old friend called last night.

Me: Hello?
Friend: Hi, it's me.
Me: Hey! How are you? I didn't think I'd hear from you again man.
Friend: I'm pretty good. I wasn't doing much today but you suddenly came across my mind.
Me: (Laughs) Very flattering. You know, I'm glad you called.
Friend: Yeah, same here.

At times, the little things in life make up for the best of it.

Ps: And a poet's gut reaction is to search his very soul

2007-09-11T11:42:00.000+08:00

Crash was soothingly bittersweet. It touches on radical racial differences between the African-Americans and Americans, the secrets to salvaging a marriage, the very question of one's dignity; priority; personality; superiority and how we're all connected in one way or another. If you've yet to catch it, you're missing out on life's reality. Don't worry, this is one of those movies that keeps you rooted to the chair till the very end.

The severe lack of "Fair enough" or "So be it" in the people around me, especially when necessary, is starting to plant annoyance within me. Everyone talks about Kimek - seemingly to believe in it; But when you're done with magic and snapped back to reality, whatever happened to your faith in Kimek? Truth be told, that pisses the fuck out of me.

Embrace Kimek - Only when you truly know what you're dealing with.

Occurence of events in the past few days is sufficient to show how we are, after all, animals. Bestiality emerges from within when Lust takes place. Who are we to differentiate ourselves from the animal kingdom then? Who exactly are the fuck are we? What, labelling oneself's as a human being truly makes you superior? At the end of the day, you're one of them.

Disappointing, really.

It was only last night when it dawned upon me that I've got pretty much 2 more months. Oh, the irony of time.

By the way, if you've got Facebook, you need to watch Sex Bomb on my page.

2007-09-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

Listen to Osbourne or die a fucking virgin, n00bs!

2007-09-08T21:12:00.000+08:00

" It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are full of the truthless ideal which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded. " – W. Somerset Maugham

To what do I owe my existence?

2007-09-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

Till date, he's by far the most inspiring man I've met.

2007-09-05T16:49:00.000+08:00

Iylia. says:
what happened to your toe?

my toe's bleeding like fuck! says:
kena poke by satay stick

-
I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd both stay out 'til the morning light
And we sang "Here we go again."
And though time comes by
I will always be in a club with you in 1973
Singing "Here we go again."

Memories of the past will always remain acrimonious and perhaps so, unforgettable. Emotions that resurface could possibly be ephemeral so who's to say that we ought to put it all behind us? Ah, the irony.

After such a long absence, songs by Tina Turner and Annie Lennox seem like neglected but faithful friends, reminding you of this reverie you're tangled in. It's overwhelming - A curious combinaton of morbid fascination and somber disappointment. I suppose I'd call it the legacy of love.

Spending the afternoon with a dear friend of mine has made me see how much friends are mere weaknesses of us humans. It's true - You do reach a point of time whereby you clearly know that you're better off without them.

2007-09-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

" kimek is a journey; a mission to attain enlightenment. it is everything and nothing; everywhere and nowhere. it is an arduous task to take up and the path to knowledge is laced with trials and tribulations. conquer them, and you will find that this road to edification leads back to yourself. "

2007-09-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

Bathed in silence, I wonder how much of the way things are now, betray my lack of sanity.

My days have been an orgy of movie marathons, MTV Hits: 80's, reading and intensive mugging. Nights are better off spent alone, in serenity.

And perhaps due to that, I've morphed into a man (no, literally) of days gone by. Physically incapable of expressing my thoughts, I feel liberated. Liberated in a sense that I've just publicly confessed to marrying the Pope and dancing naked in Central Park in one night.

Truth be told, you do reach a point whereby the people or things that mattered actually don't anymore. It does come across as a shock - Especially when you've been giving a fuck to everything for the longest time. Yet now, you take every given circumstance with sheer dearth of concern unless truly necessary. Believe me - I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good thing. The closest I can come to confirming is that it's something I've wanted to do all my life.

Apart from that, I don't see why people should enjoy life the way everyone else does. I mean, do they really enjoy life or is it something they force themselves to endure, a self-prescribed dose of sophistication, the cultural equivalent of swallowing a carrot smoothie for one's health.

2007-09-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

1. Ziyang
2. Prethika
3. Karina
4. Jolyn
5. Sharmila
6. Rachel
7. Adib
8. Mervyn
9. Claire
10. Prabs

Who is No. 6 having a relationship with?
[Rachel] Jewigan.

Is No. 9 a female or male?
[Claire] Female?

If No. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
[Adib and Prabs] Hell yeah. That would be the ultimate hard gay.

How about No. 8 and 5?
[Mervyn and Sharmila] That would be the end of the world for Mervyn.

Where is No. 2 studying?
[Prethika] SAJC.

When was the last time you had a chat with No.3?
[Karina] A couple of hours ago?

What kind of music does No. 8 like?
[Mervyn] Just about everything. But i'm assuming he'd settle for sweet old rock' n roll.

No. 1 has any siblings?
[Ziyang] Yeah. An older sister.

Will you woo No. 3?
[Karina] Um yeah, why not? Wouldn't you like that, Vennard? ;)

How about No. 7?
[Adib] Christ. Number 3 will hunt me down.

Is No. 4 single?
[Jolyn] Yup.

What's the surname of No. 5?
[Sharmila] Roseli. Or was it Blondie?

What's the name of No. 10?
[Prabs] Prabby Patty?

What's the hobby of No. 4?
[Jolyn] Gee, I don't know man. Mindfucking? Heh.

Do No.5 and 9 get along well?
[Sharmila and Claire] Yeah I suppose they do!

Where is No. 1 studying?
[Ziyang] Temasek Polytechnic.

Say something about No. 9?
[Claire] Eh kimek mama pundek kegegak tetek lompat garuk puki gletek juboh buat teh bulu konek main bulu pantat!

Have you tried developing feelings for No. 8?
[Mervyn] LOL are you kidding me?

Where does No. 4 live?
[Jolyn] Yishun!

What colour does No. 9 like?
[Claire] Alamak. I have no idea balls!

Are No. 5 and 1 best friends?
[Sharmila and Ziyang] Nope.

Does No. 7 like No. 2?
[Adib and Prethika] Yeah, I should think so.

How do you get to know No. 2?
[Prethika] Through Mervyn!

Does No. 1 have any pets?
[Ziyang] He had. And let's just leave it like that, shall we? ;)

Is No. 7 the sexiest person in the world?
[Adib] Your head lah!

2007-08-25T14:38:00.000+08:00

As promised, this one's for you Zihui:-

Name 5 weird things about yourself.

1) Whether rain or shine, I have the tendency to wear sweaters and socks at home, all the time.

2) I enjoy reading the Dictionary.

3) I believe that the answer to everything in life is, "Eh kimek ah!"

4) I don't fancy ice-cream. Nor do I fancy chocolates.

5) I have a fetish for shit. No - Seriously.

The next 5 people to do this:

1) Ziyang
2) Prethika
3) Rachel
4) Sharmila
5) Mervyn

2007-08-25T11:18:00.000+08:00

My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock

2007-08-20T11:37:00.000+08:00

melissa-jayne says:
haha iylia! there's this mug shot of u floating around!

Iylia. says:
OMGG SHUT UP MELLL

-/ WHERE IS THAT PHOTO? WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT!

Are you happy now - Mervyn Lee, Jolyn Tan and Prethika Nair?
Heh heh.

-
Meet Jolyn:

She's unbelievably spastic, incredibly dazzled by just about everything and she has this really weird laughter that makes you raise your eyebrow.

Nonetheless, meet Jolyn:

She listens whenever you need someone to talk to and just by having her around, you know that's more than enough.

Meet Karina:

She comes up with the most ridiculous things like pushing your nose up to make it look like heart and pretending to be British when we all know what she's really made of :D

Nonetheless, meet Karina:

She gives the warmest hugs and trust me, she's by far the sweetest 15 year old I've ever met.

Lately, I have people asking me how I am. And despite everything, it's nice to actually go, "I'm doing pretty good!"

2007-08-16T14:05:00.000+08:00

How could she look so fine
How could it be she might be mine
How could she be so cool
I've been taken for a fool
So many times

It's a story of a man
Who works as hard as he can
Just to be a man
Who stands on his own
But the book always burns
As the story takes it turn
An leaves a broken man

How could she be so cool
How could she be so fine
I owe a favor to a friend
My friends they always come through for me

2007-08-15T11:14:00.000+08:00

Too much has been going on lately.

And with all that, here's something to make you smile.

2007-08-13T10:08:00.000+08:00

Bang Bang Bang.

Who died?

Shoot, shag or marry?

Turn around. Pick.

Now guess.

The calculator, his hair and my pubes.

What's next?

Is it the ketchup? No? Is it the black jacket? No?

Well, is it this cup? Yes.

Now, I need you to listen carefully:

How many men ment jumped over the wall?

Fuzzy Wuzzy.

-/

Lately, everyone's had an epiphany.
Yesterday, I had mine.

I've come to realise that the people who come by in your life are capable of leaving compelling footprints on your shore of life. And when they do, they hold you rooted to the ground and it's moments like this that makes you appreciate each and every one of them.

2007-08-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

Zy - kimek mama pundek gedegak tetek lompat garuk puki gletek jubo buat teh bulu konek main bulu pantat says:
no la

Zy - kimek mama pundek gedegak tetek lompat garuk puki gletek jubo buat teh bulu konek main bulu pantat says:
i was just kidding

Zy - kimek mama pundek gedegak tetek lompat garuk puki gletek jubo buat teh bulu konek main bulu pantat says:
you're still the same arsehole iylia

Zy - kimek mama pundek gedegak tetek lompat garuk puki gletek jubo buat teh bulu konek main bulu pantat says:
but just that i think you're fucking stupid

Zy - kimek mama pundek gedegak tetek lompat garuk puki gletek jubo buat teh bulu konek main bulu pantat says:
that's all

Friends.

2007-08-06T11:55:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me why or how but Morbid Angel's been playing on Myspace. Not fantastic but exceptionally brutal. So who's to say I never did give them a shot eh? ;)

But for now, I'll settle for Journey.

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people
Living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Ozzy, for some reason, broke its neck yesterday. Lying helplessly in the middle of City Hall, it could barely lift it's head up. It's weight loss was dramatically drastic and no, it couldn't possibly be poorly fed because that wasn't just the case.

What was best for him at that point of time was to simply end its life. No, it's not inhumane - how could it? If you were there, you'd see how sickly it was. So why put it through all the suffering? Wouldn't THAT then, be inhumane?

How we decided to end its life doesn't quite matter because before we could do anything, Ozzy died a natural death. Severe but natural.

2007-08-06T11:27:00.000+08:00

This is Ziyang. He tries so hard to bling bling, I swear.

It's alot more worst for Karina.

Penny, on the other hand, just doesn't cut it :D

2007-07-31T11:39:00.000+08:00

" Observe for yourselves the decay of the sense of sin, the growth of innocence and irresponsibility, the strange modifications of the reproductive instinct with a tendency to become bisexual or epicene, the childlike confidence in progress combined with nightmate fear of catastrophe, against which we are yet half unwilling to take precautions.

Consider the outcrop of dictatorships, only possible when moral growth is in its earliest stages, and the prevalence of infantile cults like Communism, Fascism, Pacifism, Health Crazes, Occultism in nearly all its forms, religions sentimentalized to the point of practical extinction.

Consider the popularity of the cinema, the wireless, the football pools and guessing competitions, all devices for soothing fractious infants, no seed of purpose in them.

Consider sport, the babyish enthusiasms and rages which it excites, whole nations disturned by disputes between boys.

Consider war, the atrocities which occus daily and leave us unmoved and hardly worried.

We are children. "

- Crowley.

2007-07-26T16:33:00.000+08:00

This song has, for the entire day, been giving me goosebumps.

It's remarkably bizarre how the band could make such good music back in those days. I mean, if you think about it - what little equipment did Page/Bonham/Jones have at that time? Yet after 30 years, they continue to blow you away.

The whole lot of them came over yesterday. Transformers + Fucking good music + Drinking Game = What I would like to call, metal madness. Heh.

A dear friend of mine once wanted to prove how vulnerability is a weakness for us, humans - He pointed out the fact of how at one point of time, whereby we take our shirts off, our eyes are blinded by that piece of clothing. Although just for a split second but within that moment, we're defenseless.

Which brings me to this:

Over the last couple of weeks, I've learnt that we're all vulnerable to our very own actions; let alone the consequences that come out of it. What then comes into question is how do we deal with it, what makes it our Achilles heel and whether we're strong enough to pull ourselves out of it.

So how have I dealt with what's been going on? What about it makes it my Achilles heel? Am I strong enough? Really, am I?

Of late, I've begun to realise that we shouldn't think too much - it never actually does any good. Matters of the heart or so to speak, is a phrase I haven't been a fan of for a while now. And I still stand by my claim.

So here's my answer to you: I've dealt fairly well with what's been going on, my vulnerability is my Achilles Heel and yes, I'd like to believe that I'm strong enough for this. (If you know me well, you'd clearly see what I mean)

On a lighter note, here's a little something for everyone. =)

http://www.winterword.com/maze/

2007-07-24T13:38:00.000+08:00

With all that's been said, Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

2007-07-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

Your cruel device
Your blood like ice
One look could kill
My pain your thrill

2007-07-11T16:10:00.000+08:00

I have to admit, my brother is the sex :D

2007-07-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

Pay attention to the lyrics. It'll get you laughing. =)

Now, THIS is what's stuck in my head right now :D

2007-07-04T00:50:00.000+08:00

Of late, I've been continuously entangled by the sheer fact that we aren't always aware of the mistakes we make. More than often, we swift past them thinking that it doesn't quite matter and sonner or later, we'd all forget about it. Truth is, it does matter and hell, we're far from forgetting all about it.

For a while now, my actions have been called in for questioning. I dare not say my actions are justifiyable. Nor are they acceptable. Irregardless, I'd like to believe that there're reasons behind it. My actions have caused me to lose the place I call home and the people I call family.

Don't let it twist it up inside
Time never fails to make the heartache stop
You've got to let those feelings go
I'll give you everything
If you say the word

We all laugh and we all cry
We all hurt the same inside
We all fall down and we lose faith
In who we really are
But we can bend instead of break
The choice for us is to make it together

Maybe Ozzy has a point.

We do crumble and lose faith in who we really are.
What's left to do is to make it together.

I can never be that happy being I've always dreamt of being. But I CAN make the best of what I have and that, is my pursuit of happiness.

-
Putting that aside, pretty much everyone is psyched about Deafcon 4.

Need I say more?

2007-06-29T15:18:00.000+08:00

Don't take too long to
say I Love You to the ones you love
'cause time has a habit
of slipping away.

God

2007-06-24T12:41:00.001+08:00

I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in I-Ching
I don't believe in Bible
I don't believe in Tarot
I don't believe in Hitler
I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy
I don't believe in Buddha
I don't believe in Mantra
I don't believe in Gita
I don't believe in Yoga
I don't believe in Kings
I don't believe in Elvis
I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles
I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that's reality.

-//If there was a John Lenon in every man, love would be worth it all.

Ziyang has taught me to approach anything in life with sheer "eh kimek ah!".

But above all, he's taught me the purpose of friendship, the reason for friendship and it's true value.

Through mutual friends, I was always given the impression that Ziyang was one I shouldn't mess around with. As perceived, he wasn't like the rest and for that, I wasn't sure how I'd react when I actually do meet him.

Sorely, now that I think of it (hahah!), that day came sooner than I expected. Unbelievably, We got along just fine and for what's worth: I thought that it would end there.

And I'm glad it didn't.

For the next few months down the road, little did I know that he'd be the one person I trust most. Sure, Ziyang's the biggest idiot I know and on most days, I'd wish for him to either be wiped out from earth or get kidnapped by martians. Despite all that, he's been there when I least expect him to. And again, for what's worth: It didn't just end there.

As much as he's always coming up with the most out-of-the-world things to say, he listens when you want him to and says the things you'd want to hear and for most of the time, he's right.

So maybe in a day or two I'd go back to wishing his hair gets burnt while he heats something up or that someone goes up to him and shoots him in the head but Ziyang, you and I both know that wouldn't work on you because you feel no pain. And for that, goddamnit.

2007-06-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

So, I was thinking - What if you and I never had what we had? Would we then have what we have? Or could it be possible that maybe, we just don't have anything at all?

I want so bad to believe that we can do magic.

My week's revolved around movie marathons, cigarettes, an unbelievable amount of water, johnny-walker-taste-alike pizzas, cigarettes, mass conversations, prata, random jamming, mindfucking (teehee!), cigarettes, spinning round and round, new friends, thoughts on how it'd be like if we had kimek nose, lanjiao eyes, pundek cheeks, punat chin, scrotum eyes and did I mention cigarettes?

We're ho stopping aren't we? :D

On a lighter note,

iylia. says:
HAHAHAHAHA MAN I FEEL DAMN IMPORTANT

Kitty in the middle says:
haha IM SO HAPPY I MET YOU OKAY

Kitty in the middle says:
its been 2 days and i love you already

2007-06-20T14:28:00.000+08:00

"Without you, there's no change
My nights and days are grey
If I reached out and touched the rain
It just wouldn't feel the same"
- Motley Crue

2007-06-18T02:39:00.000+08:00

We're all in this together.

2007-06-05T03:48:00.000+08:00

It's not usually like this.

Most often, nothing else matters.

With all that's been going on, I'm glad I've got fabulous songs for company. =)

P. Diddy, you make me wanna sha-la-la;

-//

How have you been? Have had alot to deal lately but on most days - I've been pretty darn good.

You know how sometimes solitude creeps in every now and then, leaving you with not much of a choice but to embrace it, like a once neglected friend? After a while, it grows on you huh?

Understanding why others chose to act in a certain way was something I once, failed to do. I questioned their actions, my ever-deep faith in them but more than often - I asked myself if I haven't done enough. Then again, what is enough?

No, really; what is enough?

Actions that were of others left a bigger impact on me than my very own. Reduced to despair, I stood still - in search for something good to come along because I was in a desperate need for anything or anyone to grab onto what I have to offer; what to me is, enough. And I'm still here.

I've learnt something though - that no matter how we want so much to believe that everything is worth giving a shot, things don't always go back to the way they were. We live for the future, dwell in the present but sometimes, we yearn for the past. I've made a terrible mistake; While others come to terms with the changes around them and move forward like a British Rail Class 153, I chose to stay put in the past. Now, I've realised that I'm all alone and it's time I get on that railway train. At some point of time, we all gotta do the locomotion, don't we?

Mustang Sally

2007-06-01T15:06:00.001+08:00

Come to the Mustang Sally baby!

-

I like it when two friends sit next to each other, letting songs seep through their skin and as every one of it end with a sudden crash of silence, they both know that there's nothing better than amazingly impeccable music.

2007-06-01T04:18:00.000+08:00

We crumble & fall.
Yet, we find comfort in pain.//

2007-05-29T13:16:00.000+08:00

2007-05-26T04:16:00.000+08:00

The world is a depressing place.

Horribly, depressing place.

And Jeff Buckley isn't making it any better.

Yet, ballads seem to be the best of friends.

-

No, I'm fine; Just a little engulfed with thick clouds of broodiness.

On a lighter note,
You wanna get high?

2007-05-22T10:26:00.000+08:00

24 hours ago, I was contemplating on whether I ought to turn up early for tuition.
12 hours ago, I was upset at the way things were.
6 hours ago, I wasn't nowhere near looking forward to sunrise.
3 hours ago, I could feel myself embracing torpidity.
2 hours ago, I realised that Death makes us more vulnerable than ever.

Time changes everything.

In loving memory, Wayne Seah.

2007-05-21T04:05:00.000+08:00

Don't take me for granted.

Really.

Don't.

2007-05-14T04:42:00.000+08:00

So I'm hoping Mayer reads my email and hopefully, write back. Heh I'd be more than just oh-so-happy! =)

Apart from that, I haven't been doing much lately. Okay, so the plan was to mug my ass off and while I'm at it, I'd get a job or attend a course of my interest. Ultimately, that'd keep me occupied. However, I surrendered myself into the arms of Mr Lazy.

Together, we were inseperable. Drowning ourselves in the many fascinating programmes on television, we were plunged into a world of dormancy. At times, he'd take my hand and lead me into the virtual world. Oh the euphoria! =) When the sun take its final act, he whispers, "Come to bed."

2007-05-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

Cum on feel the noize.

2007-05-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

" John Mayer doesn't radiate courage. With his sunken eyes and a wardrobe you might generously call agoraphobic chic, his aura of passivity is an artistic achievement. Factor in Mayer's Grammy-winning ode to helplessness, Waiting on the World to Change, and it's tempting to dismiss the 29-year-old as the latest figure in a disturbing cultural phenomenon: the rock star as wuss.

Listen to his music, thought, and you'll discover that Mayer weilds sincerity like a pitchfork. His empathetic voice and emotional fearlessness elevate songs like Your Body Is a Wonderland and Daughters from pop ballads to more meaninful territory; give them half a chance, and during vulnerable moments, they'll be your friends for life. " - Time Magazine

2007-05-09T12:39:00.000+08:00

Detroit Rock City has rocked my city.

For some reason, The Beatles seems to be the latest fad. Heh I suppose the world is pretty cool after all!

-

When I was little, I remember watching this Talent show with Jean Danker, as host. There were two brothers who sang this particular song that went, "Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream". Since then, I've been looking high and low for this song but never did find the right one. Till today, that is. =)

Dream by The Everly Brothers

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

2007-05-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

I've lost the drive to blog. It'll come back to me soon enough (I think). =)

2007-05-06T11:59:00.000+08:00

Mervyn's right.

Every living creature on earth dies alone.

2007-05-02T20:51:00.000+08:00

Don't you just get goosebumps right after?

Everything.

2007-04-30T23:30:00.001+08:00

You're a falling star
You're the getaway car
You're the line in the sand
When I go to far
You're the swimming pool
On an august day
And you're the perfect thing to say

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute
Oh when you smile at me you know exactly what you do
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true
Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life
And through these crazy times
It's you
It's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

You're a carousel
You're a wishing well
And you light me up
When you ring my bell
You're a mystery
You're from outer space
You're every minute of my every day

And I can't believe that I'm your man
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can
Whatever comes our way

We'll see it through
And you know that's what our love can do

And in this crazy life
And through these crazy times
It's you
It's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

And so la la la la
So la la la la

And in this crazy life
And through these crazy times
It's you
It's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

You're every song
And I sing along
Cause you're my everything

Yeah, yeah

So la la la la
So la la la la

2007-04-29T02:50:00.000+08:00

Kopi peng and egg prata.

2007-04-28T16:26:00.000+08:00

Pot is the sex.

2007-04-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

No, I don't drink.

Ziyang got wasted on orange juice; hurhur.

HGA!

I told you - I don't drink.

-
iylia. says:
can i eat you?
iylia. says:
you look like a hotdog to me

2007-04-23T09:59:00.000+08:00

The mind wanders; It takes you to places you've spent your nights dreaming of and places you can only hope for. Halfway, you get tangled in a reverie of time, unable to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. But the truth is, you choose to revel in this phantasm because for what seemed the longest time, you feel vulnerable to anything that comes by.

When vulnerable, nothing could possibly save you from yourself. Your strength becomes your weakness and your weakness becomes your enemy. You're taken over by sadness - The kind that threatens to seize everything you've lived for; The kind that triggers every emotion within you.

And when they say the world stops - It actually does. The only thing that remains very much alive is your heart. It beats to the dead silence of everything around you, to the sweet misery that leaves you hanging in mid-air and to the reverie you've been living in.

-

I know of someone who has breast cancer. Though there was never any means of communication between us but I learnt to love her through stories that were being told of her by many others. As they repeatedly say - For the past 7 years, she has fought her illness with so much optimism. That, to me, is courage. When an illness takes over you and limits you to how much longer you'll live - more than often, you turn to fear and let it overcome you. But this woman - She took control of her illness and made sure she was the boss of it. A family that never left her side and a career that was top notch - She led a wonderful life.

She's in the last stage of cancer now. And so, a couple of weeks ago, I paid her a visit. For the very first time, I was actually going to meet this woman I've come to care so much about. When I saw her, I wished I had met her before. I could clearly see the illness in her. Her body was so fragile and her eyes were turning yellow. But her heart glowed in a way I'll remember for a very long time. Her smile took away the pain and her presence gave me peace. Since that visit, I've thought about her, alot. As time trickles through my fingers, I couldn't help but admit that there's nothing anyone can do to help her. I felt helpless and I hated feeling that way. One time, I realised that I was actually more afraid than she was.

I received a call earlier on. News is that this woman fell into coma yesterday. Doctors said that there's little time left and she has only today to live. I have not stopped trembling since. I don't know if it's because I want Time to be on her side or it's because I know Death is nigh. Whichever the case, I've never been so affected by a stranger.

2007-04-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

I watched Miss Singapore Universe today and came close to dying of laughter.

2007-04-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

If Buona Vista wasn't a necessary stop, I'd never have gone there. Period.

You have to give me credit (and a shitload of that) for walking all the way to Rachel's place from the station which is unbelievably I-almost-died far.

Worms in an incredibly spastic game. Tsktsk.

Deep down, Ziyang thinks I'm damn cool.

-
When humour runs dry, there's always this:

2007-04-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realised that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5am." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up only to discover it was 9am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5am. Wake up."

2007-04-17T23:11:00.000+08:00

Dear John,

Upon hearing that you're going to perform here, my heart stopped beating and the world - it came to a sudden stop. The slow soothing rhythm of jazz could well be heard and there was a strange familiarity to it. The only thing that mattered was that you, will be just a breath away. I'll be there, tell me so; I'll see you, tell me so.

With love,
Iylia.

When nights turn cold, I know I'll have you by my side and for that, I could never ask for more.

2007-04-16T10:45:00.000+08:00

Why are we like this? I never wanted you to walk away from what we had. You took my silence for agreement. Presuming I was definitely okay with the way things were, you never stopped to ask. So there was always the 'How are you?' but you know very well that I care too much about you to let myself be a bother to your contemporary busy schedule. Criticise me for pouring this out but I've kept mum for months.

That comfort we had was long absent and so, I looked for it in the people around me - The ones I've come to truly appreciate for the special beings that they are. Yet still, that comfort never came back.

You can't penalise me for missing you nor can you ever castigate me for loving you this much because more than anything, I'd want you to be happy. That too - not the kind of happiness that everyone could possibly own if they were ever up for sale at A Buck Or Two but the kind that was so genuine and rightfully yours.

In the very beginning, I convinced myself that it was neccessary for you to deal with the ongoing commitments and I tell myself that whatever I had to say can always, wait. Besides, that selfless self in me refused to give in. So yes, my heart's been doing time. But now I'm tired my friend, and I'd like you to come sit next to me and listen. Listen all over again.

We're on a highway
And as we we keep slip slidin' away
I'll walk this way.

2007-04-14T19:49:00.000+08:00

When enough isn't enough, would you ask for more?

" I got this icebox where my heart used to be, "

It breaks my heart knowing that, the people you've known for a lifetime can never be comfortable with who you truly are. Brutal honesty would very much be the clarity of it all but pretension's been doing time. And it's funny how I jump into this costume of mine everytime. Yet now and then, I wish it was more than just an outfit.

" When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand. "

You know how sometimes you're simply too agog to wait for the world to come by you? You wake up one day, feeling down right prepared to face anything that comes along; wanting to get out there and make a stand? It's not about making a difference anymore but about acknowledging that inner strength which you thought was lost a long time ago.

No?

I just thought I'd ask.

2007-04-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

I like it when two friends sit next to each other, letting songs seep through their skin and as every one of it end with a sudden crash of silence, they both know that there's nothing better than amazingly impeccable music.

2007-04-10T23:05:00.000+08:00

Click on the image to enlarge.

2007-04-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

I started off with a list of things I've done but it went on and on so I decided to just note down the things I've been wanting to do.

What I've yet to do:
- Bungee Jumping.
- Getting a tattoo (winks at Sharmila).
- Touching a Killer Whale.
- Seeing Black Sabbath/Aerosmith/John Mayer Live. Get the drift?
- Going to Russia/Africa/Iran.

2007-04-09T08:20:00.000+08:00

So the trip wasn't fabulous or anywhere near that. I wonder how that'd ever be possible with a 3 year old, who constantly bugs you to get him to the next level on PSP, a 12 year old that is just as annoying and a father who continues to want things his way. Nonethless, the accommodation never fails to take my breath away.

Lend me your ears for this is a really cool song. =)

I've no idea what it's all about (I've been trying to get the lyrics translated) but I like the way it sounds so foreign and yet familiar to me all at the same time.

I'm dead excited for anything good that comes by this week. Why? I don't know! But I think it'd be nice to look on the bright side every now and then, don't you think?

It's funny how bits and pieces of everyday conversations make up for who you turn out to be.

It's even funnier how you turn out to be isn't who you expected to be.

And it's funny how at the end of the day, who you want to be, seems far-fetched.

PS: Ha! I just came up with an idea: Listing down the things I've done and have yet to do. The next entry, I promise. =)

2007-04-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword

2007-04-02T19:29:00.000+08:00

Every now and then, I wish I had the answers to everything. Like why I can never possibly bring myself to attain what I rightfully deserve or when will any of this come to an end? I'd heave a sigh but sparodically, I wish my tears didn't have to run dry.

It never occured to me how a song can turn your whole life around. It sticks with you wherever you go and before you could even acknowledge it, it has already grown on you. I'd never tell you its name for it's sacred; for it's my heart; for it's my soul.